This year has been very difficult. I had a serious mental health even followed with several suicide attempts. I was hospitalized and afterward, I moved to Ankeny to live with friends and to attend a fifteen-week intensive outpatient therapy group.

I am living with severe depression, more specifically I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD).  According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), MDD presents with depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities for more than two weeks and impaired function in social, occupational, and educational activities. Additionally, MDD is a significant mental health condition that can affect every aspect of life.

Living with any mental illness makes life difficult. It doesn’t make you weak it makes you stronger. I am not proud of my suicidal thoughts and actions, but they did happen. The important thing is that I got help and it indeed helped.

I know that I am not the only person with mental health issues. I am like many other people and especially like many people living with cystinosis or any other rare disease. At times, I wish that I did not have cystinosis or that it would just go away. I would like to experience life without having cystinosis. I want to be normal.

As you may be aware, I am working on my Bachelor’s degree in psychology and I am considering getting a Ph. D in psychology afterward. I decided to go into psychology because when I was growing up with cystinosis, I did not have a mental health professional who really understood what I was going through. I felt that many of the mental health professionals I saw lacked an understanding of what it is like living with a rare disease and being transgender.

Thus, here I am working to become the professional that I was looking for.

Therefore, I plan to work within the field specializing in rare diseases and/or organ transplantation. I want to be there for young people like myself.

If you are having suicidal thoughts go to the nearest Emergency Department. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386, or you can call or text me at 1-712-314-8258.

Please remember that you are not alone. Please reach out for help. No one can do this thing called life alone.